On Monday I got laid off from my job. It wasn’t entirely unexpected. A few other employees got laid off before me. I actually welcomed it because just being at work and hearing all of the stories of what was going on, being around people that may or may not be social distancing when they aren’t at work, and being hyper-focused on the daily tally of Covid-19 cases in the state and county was fraying my nerves. I welcomed the opportunity to be able to take on my astrology and herbal education more fully, to have ample time to devote to my candle formulations, and to pack up the apartment for our move at the end of the month.
This week I have done all of those things. Packing, not so much, but I’ve done enough that I can say that I’ve packed something. I’ve made a lot of progress on my education, which is awesome. But I haven’t made any candles yet, which is a shame since I know how grounding that process is. I’m trying to settle into this new normal, the one where I don’t have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night because I can sleep longer in the morning. I still hate it – waking up in the middle of the night. There has not been one night this week that I have not had trouble falling back to sleep when I have woken up. It sucks. But it is really becoming part of this new normal. So much so that I should probably just get up during that time and do something with it instead of laying in the bed fighting whatever it is that my body is doing.
I haven’t spent the entire time working. I watched The Office in its entirety, something that I thought that I had not done, but apparently I have seen every episode. Maybe not in order. I’m starting on a new series, something light-hearted so that when I step away from all of the studying I am doing it will really be a break. I have yet to watch any of the movies I have been wanting to see – and believe me, there is a list. I should probably do that at some point. This time shouldn’t necessarily be just about working. It is a break, but one that I recognize could be useful for manifesting the future that I want. I don’t want to stay in the field that I’m in. I recognize that it is causing me to be stressed all the time, which is not good for me and which (I hypothesize) is leading to the heart problems that my urgent care physician totally freaked out about in January. It is a time to work toward a future that will not be so stressful to me. That is my goal.
So I study to educate myself for this new normal that I want for myself. Perhaps tomorrow I will make candles to help move me toward that new normal as well. Every day I ask myself the question: You only have today. What are you going to do with it? Especially during these uncertain times, it is a question that needs to be answered. My most fulfilling days are the ones where I make a list of all of the things I want to accomplish during the day and then do those things. Sometimes I find things on the list that I don’t want to do and so I don’t do them. But I have gotten a lot done toward manifesting the future I want. And to me, that is the message of this time.