This Aries full moon energy has been nothing to joke about. It has definitely thrown me for a loop. Luckily I have been on vacation from my day job, so I have had plenty of time to travel down into the rabbit hole that it has created for me, in order to sort out what is what.
Full moon energy is the energy of letting go of what is no longer serving you, and that is definitely what this full moon is serving to me. I feel the power of Lilith involved too. She is the one who has been trying to get me to stop playing small, but for whatever reason I have not been able to stop letting fear and doubt get in the way of the path that the universe has shown me. If you saw my last post, you know that I have been trying to use some methods to release the fear and doubt (and by the way, I have never been a fan of poetry or have even written any poetry by choice until recently).
One of my favorite tarot teachers, Lindsay Mack, has a monthly tarot challenge that is taking place right now. She issues weekly challenges to her newsletter subscribers, and the one that came through at the end of last week has resonated a lot with me as I go through the process of dealing with the full moon energy. I do have a project that I am working on, and it has a lot of pieces that I am super excited about. The problem is that I have felt the fear and doubt that have accumulated from past projects that have not turned out that well. They have been rearing their ugly heads as I try to move forward with this work, telling me that I’m not good enough and that I don’t have what it takes to make a success of this venture.
So I did the tarot spread from the challenge, and what I found was that I am experiencing a lot of fear and doubt around realizing the vision that was handed to me, but I still have a lot of study and work to do before that vision will be realized. I am forgetting about the journey. I am trying to fight my way forward to the top, and while enthusiasm and ambition are necessary in order to make all of this happens, I don’t need to be fighting for it. It is going to happen in its own time, and my job right now is to play with what I have been given. Any time we learn something new, we have to apply it in order to assimilate the information into what we are already familiar with. I have been trying to cram all of the information into my head and then use it to do something big. But that is not how most journeys work. I seem to have forgotten that. I have forgotten that the best way to assimilate knowledge is to play with it, to apply it in many different areas in order to make it come alive. I used to know that and do it regularly, but when I went through my burnout it seems that I have forgotten that part of learning.
The road through the burnout and all of the fallout from that has been long and rough, and it seems that it is not going to get easier very quickly. But this idea keeps popping up in all of the work I do: the idea that this should be a playful thing, that it is not to be taken too seriously, and yet it is a very serious thing. It is something that I need to somehow internalize, that it is okay to play with these ideas, and to make them mine in the process. I think that is something that is actually getting easier for me, because I have enjoyed using candle making to make some of these ideas concrete.