I Don’t Want to Grind

Loved the lighting on this tree in the evening.

I got a download from the universe one night recently. I was lying in bed at 3:00 in the morning, trying desperately to go back to sleep. These images went through my mind of a future that I have tried to envision for myself but have had a very hard time with. It was like the universe was just showing it to me the steps to get there, what I needed to do, and how I needed to do it. It was an amazing experience, and I found myself extremely motivated after that to make that vision a reality. I have taken many steps towards the vision already, and am looking forward to taking more.

One day recently I was telling a friend about the plan that the universe gave me, and my daughter asked what we were talking about. My friend told her, “Her side-hustle.” While that is true and it is my side-hustle, I have come to a place where I very much despise that term. Having had a side-hustle before, and having that and working full time with a family and going back to school and going through the burn-out that happened as a result of all of those things…I just don’t want to think about this endeavor in those terms. I see the memes about grinding and hustling – I used to post them on my Facebook page quite regularly – and I wince because society would have us believe that this is what we have to do to be successful and get ahead. But society would also have us believe that we need all the latest gadgets and things, and the only way we are going to get those things is if we grind and hustle.

The burnout that I went through was real. It affected my entire family. I was a mess for a long time, and I’m still working to get to a place where I’m not doing so much that I feel overwhelmed. This vision is a piece of that. The plan that I have is a way to get to do something that goes along with my path, earn money doing it, and stop grinding and hustling for someone else. It’s something that allows me to be creative and grounded and take more time for myself and my sanity. And while I will work to get there, I will not hustle and grind my way into another episode of burnout for the sake of the vision. I am trying to be very aware of the effort I am putting into it and making sure that I am taking care of myself in this process. The good part about it is that it is very grounding work and also somewhat therapeutic. I believe that on some level the things we are called to do are there for us in order to heal us. I have worked with kids for a long time, and it has been very healing to me. Now I can feel in my bones that it is time to move on to something else, like it is time to work on the next healing thing for me. The cool thing about it is that it is not only healing for me, but for others around me. I got to change kids’ lives in a way that was healing for them, while also healing myself. I imagine that this new path will have the same benefits to others as well as to me.

As long as I get there with my sanity intact.